Sporting Life

Folks, I've had a rather sporting week. Last Monday, thanks to the generosity of a friend and his dad, I had the opportunity to go to a Minnesota Wild hockey game, in the club level no less. Although I can't claim to be much of a hockey fan, it was a great game, and the Wild came away with a win.



Today, I went with a few of my friends from law school to watch the Vikings play the Broncos at the Metrodome. I haven't gone to an NFL game since I was in 9th grade, and frankly, I haven't been much of a football fan since Gary Anderson missed that field goal in the NFC Championship Game back in 1998. However, I do feel loyalty toward the Vikings, and I've been watching them this year - perhaps after the disastrous Twins season, I needed something to fill my unconscious desire for sporting futility.



Truly though, I was especially excited to see the Vikings for this reason. Through the miracle of modern technology, I can show you the following photographs.







You'll notice the fellow in the hat and scarf - that's Hubert H. Humphrey, who is maybe Minnesota's most famous politician. In the second photograph, Humphrey is shaking hands with Bud Grant, who is the most famous Vikings coach ever - he led them to four Super Bowls. The next two photos are of Fran Tarkenton, who is in the Hall of Fame, and is probably one of the greatest Viking players. The final photo is of a cheerleader on a cold winter Sunday, her excitement undimmed by the ice and snow.

I found these photos maybe two years ago, after my grandma passed away. They were tucked away in her basement, along with a stack of many other photographs, which I also now have. I finally figured out that it was my grandpa that took all these photos.

He was a photographer, and he used to cover the Twins and Vikings for a local Bloomington paper when they both came to Minnesota in 1961. The Old Met, as it was called, was not too far away from their house. Because he was a photographer, my grandpa got to know all the players, and got to spend time in the clubhouse. When my dad was little, he took him to a game of the 1965 World Series between the Twins and the Dodgers. To this day, my prized possession is a baseball that my grandpa had signed by the entire 1965 American League Championship Twins, including Harmon Killebrew and Tony Oliva.

What I like about these photos, and what made me want to go to see the Vikings today, is that, to me, they represent all that is great about Minnesota, all that is great about family. I love seeing these people from a generation ago, watching the same game with people in the same helmets as are worn today - I bet they also sang the same words to "Skol Vikings" as folks did this afternoon. I like to see them out in the cold snow, and enjoying it. Most of all, perhaps I like seeing things get passed down through the ages.

As dismissive as I am sometimes about football, today I saw so many fathers/mothers bringing their young sons or daughters to the football game, paying an exorbitant price to get "Skol Vikings" facepainted on their faces, cheerfully buying the $12 souvenir popcorn bucket. It made me wonder what sort of silliness people in 1961 did to try and share a passion with a kid, to try and get them to understand something that was meaningful to them. One of the more poignant moments, was at the end when a father was trying to console his daughter, who was crying because the Vikings had lost. Dad, decked out in an Adrian Peterson jersey, had obviously purchased the same purple jersey for his daughter, who was also wearing a fluffy Viking helmet (maybe mom got that).

It reminded me of going with my dad to watch the Twins every summer at the Metrodome, no matter how terrible they were; of my parents buying me Twins shirts and hats; my mom waiting in line with me for five hours so I could get a real autographed Kirby Puckett card. That it turn made me think 50 years back, when my grandpa took my dad to the bleachers at Met Stadium to watch Harmon Killebrew hit home runs. Someone took my mom too - because she talked about seeing "Killer" too.

Then again, I don't often think in sepia tones of a drunken Broncos fan stumbling up to the Metrodome trough, looking down at the 8 year old Vikings fan peeing next to him, and slurring "nice stream little man." So maybe today's game wasn't all golden memories and souvenir buckets of popcorn...

My point being, I am no longer dismissive of the Vikings, or the people who are passionate about them. Maybe I will still think there is a certain level of insanity necessary to paint one's entire body purple and gold, but again, I am still planning on burning my Twins hat in a funeral pyre to put the 2011 campaign finally to rest. Maybe there isn't so much difference after all.

Sports are often criticized as being too hyped, as numbing people to issues that really matter. I'm guilty of this - often, I'd much rather talk about the Twins' starting rotation for next summer than people being oppressed in Syria. That's probably not awesome. Sometimes though, it's the relationships and memories that flow therefrom that are the most important thing.

Thanksgiving 2011

Hello folks - happy thanksgiving. The point was made to me last night, that on the balance, we are people who are reticent to be thankful. I often times am so caught up with things, that I forget how richly I have been blessed. So, this Thanksgiving, as per my usual, I am taking a moment to thank God for the things that have meant most in 2011. Therefore, in no particular order, this year's list.

1. For 14 years spent with my gentlemanly dog Buddy, who passed away this year. You knew me best sir, and you are sorely missed.

2. My parents, who have graciously allowed me to stay with them these past three years.

3. The chance to spend summer days and evenings outside, watching Twins baseball with close friends

4. My smarter, better looking, more well liked, and nicer girlfriend

5. The color blue

6. Graduating from law school, personality intact

7. The friendship of the "manboys," and being able to share the important moments in their lives

8. Coffee in a mug

9. Passing the bar exam

10. Having a job I enjoy

11. Music - making it, and listening to it

12. Good health

13. For having been able to go to Hong Kong and represent my school, state, and country

14. My grandma, my aunt and uncle, my cousins, and everyone else

15. For friends from Hamline

16. Good beer - brewing it, drinking it, and the conversations that flow therefrom

17. Khaki pants from the gap (sorry, this is materialistic, but they are so damn comfortable)

18. Having my own place to live

19. Learning to cook

20. Going skiing in Colorado

21. Long, hot, sunny summer days with sandals

22. Being tested in the BWCAW

23. Sharp winter days

24. Being young, and alive, and in a beautiful city

25. Bob Dylan on a fall morning (current activity)

26. New friends

27. Daily flossing

28. Even numbers

29. Tacos

30. Donuts

31. Being Minnesotan

32. For still having hair

33. Silence

34. This song



35. Not living with a cat(s)

36. Having leisure time

37. Being able to go back to my high school and help with mock trial

38. Interesting conversations

39. Riding my bike in the country

Happy thanksgiving everyone. I hope everyone has a thoughtful day, and remembers everything they are thankful for.

Mock Trial

In a moment of temporary insanity while perusing the Minnesota State Bar Association website, I found myself looking at a list of area high schools still looking for an attorney coach for this year's mock trial competition. Imagine my surprise when I noticed my alma mater, Farmington High School, on the list.

You all see where this is going...

So yes, nearly 7 and a half years after I last stepped foot in Farmington High School, I will now return on Thursday as a leader of men, er, 30 young mock trialers. I suppose I was compelled to do this as a matter of empathy - as a product of the FHS mock trial squad (2000-2004) - I barely ever had the benefit of an attorney coach, and even at the time, I realized the disadvantage that caused us. Perhaps I was also compelled as a matter of loyalty, which is of course the most important thing. There are certainly more glamorous schools to coach mock trial at.

It made me recall my own years in mock trial. Oddly enough, I never was a lawyer - even the two years I participated at Luther. We were never really all that good - we didn't advance in the regional rounds that I remember, and after my first two years, we were effectively without a coach. We had to coach ourselves.

I can't say I left high school with grand ambitions to be a lawyer, and I wouldn't hope the same for any participants. The point is, to learn about the legal system and to learn the art of storytelling. I warned the adviser that I'm the least experienced lawyer she could get, and still be a real attorney, but I think I can help. One has to think that three years of legal education would allow me to impart some wisdom to a 17 year old...

If I survive, that is.

11/11/11

Turn it up to 11 folks...

For further reading pleasure, check out NPR Music's blog on Nigel Tufnel Day.

Leaving the Nest

Folks, I am on a journey - a new journey. Having shed law school, having shed the bar exam, I am ready to attack the world. To do that, I need two things.

First, I need a job. I can confidently say I now have one of those - yes. (As a sidenote, the title "attorney at law" does have a nice ring to it.)

Second, I need a place to live that doesn't involve my parents' (plural) basements. Not that I am unappreciative of the past three years' rent free living - I am. All things considered (minus the cats), it's been a remarkably undramatic three years, and I am very thankful for everything I was given. But at 25 years old, it is time to spread my wings and fly. And if that involves learning how to bake chicken, I will learn. Frankly, I better learn, because man cannot live by ham sandwiches and nutella alone.

Anyways, I'm happy to say that of TODAY, I am officially renting an apartment. Starting TOMORROW, I will domicile there. And it will be good. Of course, I realized today that I lack many of the basic things that separate humans from animals - basic hygiene products, toilet paper, etc. But I can get these things - I will. It may be a small space, but by tomorrow, it will have a bed, couch, internet, and a coffeemaker - all the necessities of life.

So, everyone come on over!

Miss Ya' Bud

Esq.

Man-skill of the week = passing the bar exam.

Wedding Number 2 - K1 and B

Well friends, as perhaps I've alluded to, last weekend, I traveled approximately 1500 miles (no, seriously) to wedding number three in four weeks. All I have to say is, thank god for ipods, jimmy johns, and diesel fuel...

Seriously though, who would have thunk any part of Michigan was beautiful? I always associated Michigan with Detroit - Detroit is a craphole, ergo, Michigan is a craphole. Well, scratch that thought, because Traverse City and its associated peninsulas are in fact, quite beautiful. Driving through rolling vineyards and cherry orchards is quite soothing after you've been stuck in mind numbing one lane traffic. Add in a cloudless sky and a brilliant blue lake, and you have the makings of an exceptionally quaint wedding weekend.

Which is completely appropriate, since I was in Traverse City to witness - nay, participate in - the nuptials of my two of my very best friends. Again, from all corners of the midwest, the four manboys converged again, by road and by air. And there was much rejoicing. There was also much merrymaking, though not quite to the level experienced a few weeks previously. All in all, things kept in check, which, all things considered, was probably okay. After all, the wedding was at noon this time...

Anyways, a beautiful ceremony was held in a beautiful yard, attached to a beautiful home, right on the beautiful shores of beautiful Lake Michigan. I think the best word to describe everything would be, hmm, let me think - beautiful. K2 seemed disappointed that I didn't cry, but I thought about it. As my friend stood and said his vows, I was incredibly happy, and couldn't help but beam myself.

Oddly enough, I felt proud - yes, pride is the best descriptor. Not that he wasn't mature to begin with, but here was a man who had matured considerably through the years. In college, I looked up to him as someone who I could live vicariously through. He lived the life, and had the personality, that I often so desperately wanted. Now, I look up to him as one of the few who have found exactly what they want, and made the commitment which is the natural progression of initial desire. I was proud to be the best man of someone like that, much less the friend of someone like that.

Reception after reception followed, and the three manboys not being married at that particular moment stuck together in unity, doing our best to converse politely with the locals. Often, I would get a tap on the shoulder and be asked if I was the "doctor - or wait, are you the physicist?" I would apologize and reply with "No, I'm actually the lawyer," and then watch as a friendly smile would turn to a steely gaze. Not really - that's a lie. But seriously, it's like a bad joke. A doctor, lawyer, physicist, and trombone professor walk into a bar...

Speaking of bad jokes, I also got to unleash my public speaking skills on an unsuspecting public with a carefully practiced PG-13 rated toast. Actually, that's a lie - I pretty much winged it on an outline. Hard not to get some laughs when the climax is four professional students group hugging without pants. No pants, no problem.

Eventually, the three of us were left to our own devices, and took in dinner at a Mexican restaurant and a showing of the movie "Drive." At dinner, we learned that a particular manboy is feeling inadequately masculine, and is looking to learn more "skills" in order to become more of a man. This of course led to a brainstorming session of manly skills to learn, such as bear hunting, kung fu, evasive driving, and home repair skills. Needless to say, the list is ongoing.


Poker skills, anyone?

I could recount everything, but that would be beside the point. Again, I was thankful for good friends, and happy to be amongst a group of men that know and understand me intimately. Some people have wondered whether I regretted it, now that half the manboys are married. I get asked whether something will now be missing - perhaps innocence, perhaps that sense of freeform masculine adventure, perhaps a constant, desperate attempt to relive glory days.

I don't think so though. I enjoy seeing everyone grow up, seeing everyone learn about themselves, the world, and how they fit into it. I don't think real friendship is grounded in a time and place. It seems to me, real friends are adaptable. At least, I think I'll stick with that.

Congrats again.

Wedding Number 1 - The Klein

As dreary Iowa gave way to dreary Minnesota today on US Highway 52, my traveling companion noted to me that of all her many friends, she could not quite match up one specified group to the group she witnessed this weekend. Yes folks, my three good friends from Luther and I, the "manboys" of prose and lore (and apparently, the most apt descriptor for the father of the groom to use in introductions to family), reunited once again - this time in Cedar Falls for the first marriage of the batch. Much congratulations are in order for Klein and Amy, who were married on Saturday in a beautiful ceremony.

Despite a few close calls with the sizing of our tuxedos, all was well, and much merriment ensued. I think Klein was sent off aptly into married life with a Friday night bachelor party that may or may not have slightly exceeded the low key vibe originally envisioned for the evening. Perhaps "slightly exceeded" is putting it mildly, but as this is a family friendly blog, details will not be rendered with specificity. However we were all present and accounted for (3/4 of us anyway) for coffee in the morning, and when the father of the bride asked me if the line had been crossed in terms of celebration, I bravely and accurately informed him that the line had been appropriately reached, yet not crossed. Needless to say, after a quick enchilada stop for lunch, everyone was in peak performance for the big show.

The ceremony was beautiful, with one of the highlights being a rendering of the delightfully tacky Lutheran hymn "Earth and All Stars," featuring this gem of a verse:

5. Classrooms and labs, loud boiling test tubes,

sing to the Lord a new song!

Athlete and band, loud cheering people,

sing to the Lord a new song! Refrain

Appropriate enough for the bride and groom, I suppose, but hilarious nonetheless. As the best man had made a slight error in copying music, the three groomsmen were forced into an impromptu trio, and we went to great lengths to drown out some of the less polished singing voices that joined us on the altar. We also had to drown out my laughter when the aforementioned verse came up - I'm sorry, but how can you sing that with a straight face?

Another highlight was undoubtedly the vows, in which Amy promised to build Klein a shelf for his books. Good luck with that one sister - I'll believe it when that stack of New Yorkers disappears from the floor. I was somewhat hopeful that Amy would have knit a celebratory wedding squid, but I suppose we'll have to just make a visit to Iowa City for that one...



In finality, it was a great weekend, and hopefully just the start of a fall wedding season that in a fortnight will conclude with Mr. Yates' nuptials in rural Michigan. Again at that time, four friends will gather, this time devoid of the coterie of girlfriends, fiances, and wives to keep them in check and simultaneously shake their heads at the antics that ensue.

I'm thankful for the weekend, I'm thankful for safe travels. I'm thankful that K2 could come, despite my (apparent) incessant blathering during Friday's festivities. I'm thankful that the two K's have formed a friendship of their own, and that they were able to get to know everyone else throughout the weekend. I'm thankful for my friends from Luther. But most of all, this weekend, I'm thankful for Klein and Amy, and all that is to come.

September 11

As I imagine most Americans can, at least those old enough, I remember where I was the morning of September 11. I was outside for early marching band practice on the FHS football field, which was right next to the FAA building. During the middle of rehearsal, sirens started coming from the FAA, and as I looked to the sidelines, I saw that some of the injured band members were huddled around a radio. Despite not knowing what was happening, something felt not right. I went into my second hour class - American History with Mrs. Lund - and the first thing I saw was the TV on CNN, with a view of Manhattan covered in thick black smoke. I recall not knowing what to think, because it didn't look real - it looked like a movie or something. In every class for the rest of the day, we spent it watching CNN.

It was terrifying, and may it not happen again.

Anyway, the following was the ELCA reading for today, which apparently was unplanned, but particularly appropriate.

Matthew 18:

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Music of the Day - Bon Iver

I am slowly coming back from my blogging hiatus. Things are in the works.

But first, check out this unbelievable cover of Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bon Iver. I am fortunate enough to have tickets to one of Bon Iver's shows next week - shows that the Current referred to as "so sold out, it's disgusting." My level of excitement is nearing absolute capacity...

T-Minus 1

Conspiracy - Conspiracy is a specific intent inchoate offense. It does not merge with the related offense. The elements of conspiracy are (1) an agreement among two or more to commit a criminal act; (2) that the agreement be made with the intent to commit the criminal act, and; (3) an overt act in furtherance of the conspiracy. A co-conspirator is liable for all crimes committed by co-conspirators in furtherance of the conspiracy, as well as all other crimes that are reasonably foreseeable. At common law, conspiracy required two guilty minds, meaning, a sting operation couldn't result in a charge of conspiracy. The MPC only requires one criminal mind. One important thing to remember is that the criminal act of conspiracy is the agreement itself - therefore, even if a member withdraws, he will still be liable for conspiracy as well as those crimes committed prior to withdrawal.

T-Minus 2

Piercing the Corporate Veil - As a general rule, shareholders are not liable for the debts of the corporation. An exception arises in the case of closely held corporations, and it may be possible for a creditor to pierce the veil. To do so, the creditor must first show an abuse of corporate privileges, and second, that it would be fundamentally fair to hold the shareholder personally liable. This often arises in two situations - alter ego and undercapitalization. Please note that courts are more willing to pierce the veil for tort creditors rather than contract creditors.

T-Minus 3

Great White Shark Video - Funny bloopers are a click away

Trust Basics - A trust is an arrangement whereby a trustee takes legal title to a specific res, given by the trustor (settlor) for the benefit of certain beneficiaries. The prerequisite for a trust is that the settlor gives legal title to the trustee with the intent to create a trust for a valid purpose, for the benefit of the beneficiaries. Although there are two types of trust - private and charitable - these requirements are essential for both. One thing to keep in mind, is that there must be a specific and identifiable trust property - the res. It need not be physical, but can be a chose in action, so long as that chose is not a mere expectancy.

I am the shark. Sorry seal.

T-Minus 4

Counterclaims - In a case in federal court, a defendant must assert those mandatory counterclaims which arise out of the same transaction or occurrence as the plaintiff's claim. If it does not assert them, it will be deemed to have waived them forever. A defendant may also assert any other claim it has against the plaintiff as a permissive counterclaim, which need not arise out of the same transaction or occurrence. The defendant is also free to pursue permissive counterclaims in a separate forum. In all cases, the federal court must have subject matter jurisdiction over the claims, meaning federal question or diversity. If there is no such jurisdiction, the court may exercise supplemental jurisdiction if the claim arises out of the same transaction or occurrence.

T-Minus 5

Statutory Requirements for a Will - In order for a will to be valid, there must be: (1) a testator over the age of consent; (2) will executed with testamentary intent; (3) the testator must sign the will, and; (4) there must be at least two attesting witnesses.

An interesting problem arises when the testator signs a will, but then adds provisions after the signature. Under the UPC, so long as those provisions are contemporaneous with the will, they are valid. However, at common law, such provisions were invalid, as wills needed to be signed at the end.

In this clip, I like to think of myself as Arnold Schwarzenegger.

T-Minus 6

Annulment - An annulment is a ground for terminating a marriage when the grounds giving rise to it occur prior to the marriage actually taking place. As a result, a marriage may be void or voidable. A void marriage cannot be waived by the parties, and furthermore, may be attacked collaterally by third parties. Void marriages may be annulled in court at the option of one of the parties - but this is not necessary. The two void grounds are bigamy and cosanguinity (incest). Voidable grounds may be waived by the parties, and may not be challenged collaterally. Voidable grounds are one party being too young, mental incapacity, duress, permanent physical impotence, and fraud. The fraudulent statement must be one that goes to a central aspect of the marital relationship - mere lies about economic or social status are insufficient. In most states, the remedies for an annulment are the same for divorce, however, in others, alimony is not available.

T-Minus 7

Dormant Commerce Clause - A state may not regulate those areas of interstate commerce expressly regulated by Congress. However, in the absence of such regulation, a state may regulate interstate commerce in a non-discriminatory way so long as it does not unduly burden interstate commerce. A discriminatory regulation will be held invalid, subject to three exceptions. First, if the state is acting as a market participant, and not a regulator. Second, if the discriminatory law serves a state police interest that is non-economic, and there is no reasonable non-discriminatory means of accomplishing that objective. Third, the Supreme Court gives more deference to state regulation that discriminates in favor of activities traditionally performed by the government.

Music of the Day - Blind Melon

I'm sorry, I just love this song.

Music of the Day

Because there is nothing else interesting going on. Two weeks until this shit is over.

RIP Buddy

Folks, my dog, and occasional guest blogger, passed away today. Rather, my mom and I made the decision to put him down. He was sick, and after 14 years and nearly three months of taking care of the rest of us, it was time for me to take care of him one last time, and let him go. He shouldn't have been made to spend his last months sick, unable to do the things he loved to do. That would be cruel. So today, he left.

Now, he can eat pizza crusts, cheerios, and dozens of chocolate chip cookies to his heart's content. I just hope someone's there to take him for a walk, because I can't anymore. And that's what I think I'll miss the most. Some of my happiest memories are going to be of walking with the dog, him constantly pulling at the leash, constantly stopping to sniff every tree, as I tried to tug him along in exasperation. We both knew I'd let him get what he wanted though, and he did. In reality, he was always walking me.

Aside from our walks, I think the thing I'll remember the most is just sitting with Buddy in the basement of my mom's house, where he was a constant presence. As he got older, I think the dog and I got closer, and as I got wrapped up with the stresses of young adulthood and law school, the dog was always there to help reduce that. Distinctly, I recall a night a year or so back where I had had a very traumatic event happen, an event involving a young woman who was very special to me. As I returned home early in the morning, quite distraught, I remember being happily surprised to see that the dog, hearing my arrival, had woke up and come downstairs. Once there, he just sat next to me. And then, as if sensing my need for comic relief, as he headed back upstairs to bed, he ran into a half-closed door in the dark. Needless to say, once I determined he was alright, it was rather funny...

There's only so much you can say though. In the end, Buddy has been my friend, my best friend, since I was 12. That's more than half my life. And now, all of a sudden, he is gone, and of course that is painful. It will be so very difficult to, for the first time in years, experience a stress-free dinner without a whiny dog in my lap begging for food. It will be hard to not have a dog to walk. Mainly though, it will be hard to not have a dog to understand.

Maybe that was the thing about Buddy. For all his youthful craziness, and strange quirks (such as taking his food out of his bowl, placing it on the floor, and then eating it), he always understood. And I'll miss him terribly for that. It's comforting to know that he lived so long, and so well. That he saw his entire family in the weeks before his passing, and that when it came, my mom and I could be with him.

So, in celebration of a long and beautiful life, here's to you Bud. I'll see you again in a while... and I'll let you have my pizza crusts.

Fine Dining

Internet friends, sometimes we do things where we look back and think to ourselves, "what the hell was I thinking." I daresay I had one of those moments today. A few months ago, I agreed with a friend from law school that to celebrate our graduation, we would have lunch at the KFC buffet. Why? I have no idea. Today though, I ate my words... and then some.

Now, just for the record, I haven't been to KFC in years - I'd say at least six. So, I don't want any misimpressions created that I make it a habit of dining with the Colonel. That would be a falsity. In fact, I think I made a vow not to return to KFC six years ago, when I nearly slipped and fell on the layer of grease that coated the entire floor of the restaurant. But, a pact is a pact, and I committed myself to this, so I went today. Loyalty is the most important thing.

I think there are two things that any novice must know about the KFC buffet.

1 - You get your hand stamped with a tiny Colonel Sanders

2 - There is an entire tray of fried gizzards

There you go folks. Let your imagination run wild. And by run wild, I mean stuff your face with instant mashed potatoes, gelatinous gravy, plastic-textured mac and cheese, and buckets upon buckets of fried chicken, such that neither your imagination nor your body can run for days. And how could I forget the biscuits and "buttery spread." Oh my, the buttery spread...

Needless to say, I am in a poor state of body at the moment. Three styrofoam plates will do that to a man. In my defence, one of those plates contained applesauce.

The thing was, despite the strange desire to vomit, I think the two of us walked out of that restaurant healthier than any other patrons. That's because the KFC buffet is perhaps the greatest venue for suburban people watching known to man. And fortunately for you, readers, I had a perfect vantage point to see everyone in the restaurant.

Perhaps it is best to start with the observation that very rarely do you see so many single men eating plate upon plate of fried chicken by themselves. In fairness, they may all have had very fulfilling personal lives with lovely women (or men) whom they went home to. However, at KFC, they were alone. Therefore, for ease of storytelling and hilarity, they were single. Then again, I was there with another guy, who I picked up at his apartment, so for all intents and purposes, we were on a man-date. Anyway, moving on.

There were a surprising number of Single Men who came to the KFC buffet on their lunch break, quickly loosening their ties and rolling their sleeves as they heaped chicken upon chicken upon biscuit upon their sagging styrofoam plates. You could always spot them on account of their chicken guts spilling over the top of their pleated khaki pants. The white collar Single Men were very impressive to me, as I can't imagine going back into an office after eating my weight in fried chicken. It's difficult enough sitting alone in a dark basement... my life is almost as awesome.

Anyway, there were a couple of lovely ladies also enjoying a plate or two of chicken, as well as a group of Asian college students who were seemingly having a competition over who could eat the most. The guy sitting directly behind us was a painter, and he took much joy in tearing through a number of chicken breasts - at first with a fork, then he decided to just go for the gold and use his fingers.

However, the piécè de résistance was Single Man with the t-shirt tucked into the jeans and the bluetooth in his ear. This titan of the KFC buffet was a fellow who immediately grabbed two (2) buffet plates, and loaded one up with chicken, and the other up with mac and cheese, potatoes, and corn. He then proceeded to squeeze (yes, this happened because I watched him do it) ten (10) packets of hot sauce onto the concoction, before stirring it all up with a plastic spork. He then proceeded to tear each chicken breast apart (by hand), and use the chicken as a utensil to eat the plate of shit he had just created. Simply incredible - a veritable fast food artist.

I'm certain there's some deep truth to all of this, something that I'm missing. I suppose the folks depicted in my story would take offence to being characterized the way they are - they would probably rightly conclude that they are being judged on a completely arbitrary and capricious occurrence. After all, maybe this was their first time to the KFC buffet in six years too. Any other potential blogger would have looked at me, stuffing my face with mounds of chicken, and come to a similar conclusion: that I led a sad existence. Undoubtedly though, and this is something to be admired, the people who have the bravery, nay courage, to eat at the KFC buffet are people who either have an abiding sense of self worth, or they are very good at faking it. Because you cannot have any shame to eat there.

I feel ashamed though. I thought I was stronger, but the KFC buffet put me in my place. I think I'll have a pear for dinner.

Band of the Week

Since I don't have time to write an Album of the Week review, a simple "Band of the Week" will have to do.





The first and only time I've ever been so compelled as to purchase an album off of iTunes on my future phone. God bless England, and may her bluesy rockers live forevermore.

Destination: List

In all my leisure time (irony) since becoming a Doctor of Jurisprudence, I've been thinking quite a bit about the travels I should like to take. Never mind the daily torture session of studying for the bar exam, never mind unreliable French lawyers, never mind 175 pages of Swedish arbitral bs to respond to. I just want to go on a trip.

As a result, and in no particular order, a list of sorts.

1 - Patagonia, Argentina



2 - Singapore



3 - Plitvice Lakes, Croatia



4 - Shanghai, China



5 - Glacier National Park



6 - Yosemite National Park



7 - England (never will get tired)



8 - The Alhambra, Spain



9 - Hawai'i



10 - Serengeti



Well, that's today's list. Tomorrow's is subject to change.

Space Shuttle

If you click "play" on this video, I guarantee you will watch all 13 minutes. Absolutely mesmerizing - why don't we fund this?

J.D.

I am, among other things, a Juris Doctor...



With high honours...



And good friends...



A beautiful, smart girlfriend...



A silly wizard robe in the rain...





And even more good friends.

Harmon Killebrew

It's a very sad day here in Minnesota, especially for us Twins fans. Harmon Killebrew passed away this morning from esophageal cancer.

I never had the privilege to see Mr. Killebrew play, but I heard stories from my parents about home runs at the Old Met. I saw him out and about the Metrodome and Target Field, always with a smile on his face, always looking happy to be there. He was a classy man who treated everyone with respect, a person who was humble, yet took pride in his accomplishments. No wonder Minnesotans love him.

The Twins haven't been very good this year, but I hope tonight, they can win a game for Harmon. I think that's the best way to honour a man who has meant so much to the players, the team as a whole, and the state.

RIP Mr. Killebrew - we'll miss you.