Folks, I play in a trombone choir every winter. It's kind of a seasonal thing, like football season, or hunting season, or even exotic fruit season. Except trombone choir season doesn't consist of solely playing trombone. No, no, no, trombone choir season consists of a special, equally intriguing activity. Yes, that most interesting of social activities. People watching. People watching is in open season at trombone choir.
I really don't know what it is about the instrument, but there is something about the trombone that draws the curious people of society out into the open. I remember distinctly, in college, every few months there would be a big LAN party. You would see these people that you've never seen before, streaming towards Valders, towing their computers, like moths to a flame. They looked unkempt, crazed, socially inept, among other things.
Needless to say, I feel this is a good analogy to trombone choir. And I mean this in no disparaging way; obviously, if I'm in the group, there must be some socially deviant aspect to myself as well. But you look around the church where we practice, and you just think, "where the hell do these people come from?" This phenomenon can in no way be uniquely attributed to the Minneapolis Trombone Choir either; a good friend of mine at Luther famously had his own "awkward trombone player of the week" award each week.
As an example, I'll describe one of my favorite trombone players, one whom I have dubbed the "Avenger." He's probably around 50 years old, I'd imagine, and he has long, greasy blonde hair, supplemented with a big mustache. And, honest to God, he wears the same outfit every single time I've ever seen him. He wears black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather blazer. Seriously, this is all I have ever seen the guy wear, and this includes all of last year and all the rehearsals this year too. Fittingly, he also plays the bass trombone, which attaches with it an extra layer of weirdness. And he always, always brings a euphonium and a tuba. Just in case.
There are so many more strange folks that come, but I think, taking a cue from my friend, I'll save this for each week. Each week, I'll try to post a limited sketch of another trombonist. This in no way is supposed to be negative, I don't mean to demonize or to embarrass. After all, I'm one of them, right?
So yes, Avenger, this week, I salute you. Let us have many more Saturday afternoons of glorious music making, and James Bond medleys.
Really.
30 January 2010
22 January 2010
Ambiguity
The world, I feel, is full of grey. Meaning, while it is extraordinarily easy to block our existence into black and white, good and bad, wrong and right, it seems more accurate for us all to admit that the majority of what we experience is not so cut and dried. It's nuanced, it's subject to growth and mutation, it has a level of dynamism to it. Often times, we, as humans, exist in this grey area. We physically are existing in a dynamic period, a period where aspirations collide with reality, where hopes are met with the status quo, where everything is confrontational.
Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about, but I'm not going to say what it is.
I've spent a good chunk of my recent life in such a grey area; plenty illustrative of what happens when solid black meets what is at best a middling white. Recently, I suppose, an added element has come into play, something that definitely frustrates my aspirations; puts a dam in the proverbial river of how I had hoped life to continue on. It is an unusual feeling, most assuredly unpleasant, but also, in one respect, extremely liberating.
And my liberating, I mean honest. When confronted with such a situation, the only option is to be honest, because without honesty, a part of you goes away. This is something I've firmly come to believe. In the midst of a swirling tempest of emotion; anger, frustration, heartbreak, confusion; the only way to steady oneself is to know exactly what it is they're standing on. If you can't figure out why you're putting yourself through something that seems so agonizing, what the hell is the point?
I've had to confront honesty recently, I've had to be honest with myself and others. It's a terrifying, albeit simultaneously invigorating, experience. I wish it on no one, yet I wish it on everyone, hopefully under more amiable circumstances. But if you cannot go through life without being honest with yourself and those whom you love, why even bother?
I don't know how this storm is going to end, but unfortunately, I think I have an inkling. That shouldn't stop me trying to turn grey into black or white at least one more time. In the end, we all want assurances, we all want that mystical ambiguity to give way to something more solid, so we can continue on to new challenges. Sometimes, no matter how rational it all seems, how much sense it makes, sometimes it doesn't though. Which will never be understood. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.
Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about, but I'm not going to say what it is.
I've spent a good chunk of my recent life in such a grey area; plenty illustrative of what happens when solid black meets what is at best a middling white. Recently, I suppose, an added element has come into play, something that definitely frustrates my aspirations; puts a dam in the proverbial river of how I had hoped life to continue on. It is an unusual feeling, most assuredly unpleasant, but also, in one respect, extremely liberating.
And my liberating, I mean honest. When confronted with such a situation, the only option is to be honest, because without honesty, a part of you goes away. This is something I've firmly come to believe. In the midst of a swirling tempest of emotion; anger, frustration, heartbreak, confusion; the only way to steady oneself is to know exactly what it is they're standing on. If you can't figure out why you're putting yourself through something that seems so agonizing, what the hell is the point?
I've had to confront honesty recently, I've had to be honest with myself and others. It's a terrifying, albeit simultaneously invigorating, experience. I wish it on no one, yet I wish it on everyone, hopefully under more amiable circumstances. But if you cannot go through life without being honest with yourself and those whom you love, why even bother?
I don't know how this storm is going to end, but unfortunately, I think I have an inkling. That shouldn't stop me trying to turn grey into black or white at least one more time. In the end, we all want assurances, we all want that mystical ambiguity to give way to something more solid, so we can continue on to new challenges. Sometimes, no matter how rational it all seems, how much sense it makes, sometimes it doesn't though. Which will never be understood. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.
18 January 2010
Halfway
At approximately 9:31 AM tomorrow, I'll be a minute into the slow downward slide of law school. 3 semesters down, 3 to go. Start your engines, or something.
In retrospect, I've had a month off from school. I can't say I have any earth-shattering conclusions to share from that experience; except to repeat the age-old adage that finding a routine again in the midst of 30 days of goblidigook will be challenging. But I did have a few minor accomplishments.
1 - Read a book for pleasure
2 - Started my internship
3 - Did not go into debt
4 - Visited friends
5 - Went skiing
6 - Sent flowers
7 - Saw "Avatar" in 3D
8 - Generally survived the holiday season
This is going to be an intense semester, especially with the added weight of the gig with the U.S. Attorney's office. I think that will probably be okay though. Last semester, I felt like I wasted a lot of my time, in ways which I can't even remember. It just seemed like time disappeared without anything productive coming out of it. So, I think that's a goal; to utilize my free time a little more wisely. I took a cue from a friend, I've started hanging out at a local bookstore, and when I'm done studying, I just read for a little bit. Just grab an interesting looking book and read. I think it helps me from being sucked into the time vortex that is the internet, and it helps keep my mind a little clearer from any personal issues that may be swirling about. In any event, hopefully I'll continue that.
Plus, I think I need to read some more books in general. I think I need to expand my view of what the status quo is, at least in my personal literary compendium. During a conversation on the way back to Iowa City the other night, I felt hopelessly outmatched in terms of intellectual might, mainly because I hadn't read some books. So, maybe I'll try to remedy that a bit.
In any event, my 9:30 date with Admiralty is coming sooner rather than later. Time to call it a night.
In retrospect, I've had a month off from school. I can't say I have any earth-shattering conclusions to share from that experience; except to repeat the age-old adage that finding a routine again in the midst of 30 days of goblidigook will be challenging. But I did have a few minor accomplishments.
1 - Read a book for pleasure
2 - Started my internship
3 - Did not go into debt
4 - Visited friends
5 - Went skiing
6 - Sent flowers
7 - Saw "Avatar" in 3D
8 - Generally survived the holiday season
This is going to be an intense semester, especially with the added weight of the gig with the U.S. Attorney's office. I think that will probably be okay though. Last semester, I felt like I wasted a lot of my time, in ways which I can't even remember. It just seemed like time disappeared without anything productive coming out of it. So, I think that's a goal; to utilize my free time a little more wisely. I took a cue from a friend, I've started hanging out at a local bookstore, and when I'm done studying, I just read for a little bit. Just grab an interesting looking book and read. I think it helps me from being sucked into the time vortex that is the internet, and it helps keep my mind a little clearer from any personal issues that may be swirling about. In any event, hopefully I'll continue that.
Plus, I think I need to read some more books in general. I think I need to expand my view of what the status quo is, at least in my personal literary compendium. During a conversation on the way back to Iowa City the other night, I felt hopelessly outmatched in terms of intellectual might, mainly because I hadn't read some books. So, maybe I'll try to remedy that a bit.
In any event, my 9:30 date with Admiralty is coming sooner rather than later. Time to call it a night.
14 January 2010
Weekly Digest - 14/1/10
New futuristic year, new futuristic semi-regular feature. At work, we get these emails during the day; digests of news someone thinks we'll find interesting. As you would expect, it's all legal news, crap about indictments, settlements, that sort of thing. So, in the interest of reporting on those blog-worthy things that don't deserve entire blogs, here we go.
1 - Pastrami
Pastrami sandwiches are delicious. I realized that today, when I had one for lunch at the Federal Cafe. I would have preferred a bit more pastrami, perhaps some more heartily toasted toast, but all in all, I refuse to complain.
2 - Haiti
I've been reading the news about the earthquake that hit Port-au-Prince, and the images and stories streaming out of Haiti are simply heartbreaking. It definitely makes you think a lot about the fragility of life; so many lives, instantly wiped off the planet. No notice, no chance to get one's affairs in order, nothing. It is a most unsettling thought, and I've been thinking a lot about the folks affected by this. Here's hoping good comes their way.
On a related note, I learned today that a fellow from Luther, who was a couple years older than me, died in the quake. He was a seminary student teaching Haitian pastors. I didn't know him, maybe I recognized him, but anytime something like this happens, I guess you do get a sense of the Luther community. Well, that's terrible.
3 - United States Attorney
It is true, I have started as a law clerk with the U.S. Attorney's office for the District of Minnesota. For someone whose entire work experience consists of being a pharmacy tech at Walgreens, it is a shocking experience.
It is shocking to have actual responsibility in a professional field. It's shocking to have to be buzzed into the office behind what appears to be bulletproof glass. A lot of things are also shocking, but it's shocking to have work that is directly going to impact someone's liberty. And it was shocking to discover the secret city also known as the Minneapolis skyway system. Why the hell would I be buying a painting of Brett Favre in the skyway?
4 - Mad Men
I'm sorry, this show is my cultural crack. The melodrama has me trapped in its jaw-like vice.
5 - Illinois
I'm going on a quest tomorrow, an epic quest to eastern Illinois. The purpose? Like most of these trips are, pretend that it's two years ago and play trombone. For some reason, it never gets old.
1 - Pastrami
Pastrami sandwiches are delicious. I realized that today, when I had one for lunch at the Federal Cafe. I would have preferred a bit more pastrami, perhaps some more heartily toasted toast, but all in all, I refuse to complain.
2 - Haiti
I've been reading the news about the earthquake that hit Port-au-Prince, and the images and stories streaming out of Haiti are simply heartbreaking. It definitely makes you think a lot about the fragility of life; so many lives, instantly wiped off the planet. No notice, no chance to get one's affairs in order, nothing. It is a most unsettling thought, and I've been thinking a lot about the folks affected by this. Here's hoping good comes their way.
On a related note, I learned today that a fellow from Luther, who was a couple years older than me, died in the quake. He was a seminary student teaching Haitian pastors. I didn't know him, maybe I recognized him, but anytime something like this happens, I guess you do get a sense of the Luther community. Well, that's terrible.
3 - United States Attorney
It is true, I have started as a law clerk with the U.S. Attorney's office for the District of Minnesota. For someone whose entire work experience consists of being a pharmacy tech at Walgreens, it is a shocking experience.
It is shocking to have actual responsibility in a professional field. It's shocking to have to be buzzed into the office behind what appears to be bulletproof glass. A lot of things are also shocking, but it's shocking to have work that is directly going to impact someone's liberty. And it was shocking to discover the secret city also known as the Minneapolis skyway system. Why the hell would I be buying a painting of Brett Favre in the skyway?
4 - Mad Men
I'm sorry, this show is my cultural crack. The melodrama has me trapped in its jaw-like vice.
5 - Illinois
I'm going on a quest tomorrow, an epic quest to eastern Illinois. The purpose? Like most of these trips are, pretend that it's two years ago and play trombone. For some reason, it never gets old.
04 January 2010
Book Review: The Book of Guys
Hello folks. I have officially started in my capacity as a volunteer law clerk with the United States Attorney's Office. Yes, I will have a badge, but unfortunately, I don't think I get a gun, or a black SUV. I would tell you what I'm actually doing, but then Barack Obama would have to kill you. So, in lieu of that, I'll review a book instead.
That last sentence wasn't a lie, I am actually, here, in this space, reviewing a book. A book that I'm proud to say, I read entirely on my own volition, forced not by law professors with their beady little eyes; but rather chosen by my own intellectual curiosity and desire to bring a little more dry, pretentious humor into my life.
To a certain extent though, isn't that every liberal's dream; to make themselves seem just a little bit more interesting?
(raises hand).
Anyways, "The Book of Guys," by Minnesota's own Garrison Keillor, is my literary conquest. Lest you think I read a novel, this tome is actually a collection of short stories; all of which relate to some degree to the issues confronting manhood in the 20th century. I think it translates well though to the 21st. To the Future.
The general tone, the connective tissue of the entire book is contained in the following phrase - "Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome."
To a certain extent, I think I agree with this. I agree that we, as men, spend a lot of our time trying to be Mr. All-Rite, especially those of us who are entangled in some way with women. Keillor recognizes the intoxicating effect women have on men in a very funny introduction, something intimately known to every man, probably only in their subconscious. What it really comes down to though, is that there's this sense that by trying so hard to make ourselves appealing to women, appealing to life, we as men sacrifice a bit of our manhood in the process. Whatever the hell "manhood" is.
The stories, I think there are around 20 or so, meditate on this topic. They range from around 20 pages to maybe a 3 page poem. The vast majority of them are absolutely hilarious, if you're into Keillor's humor. I happen to be, so thus, it was hilarious. I think my favorite ones have to be the one where the cowboy decides to leave the trail life to live in town; the one where Dionysius has a midlife crisis, the presumably semi-autobiographical Gary Keillor, and Winthrop Thorpe Tortuga, not the least because it prominently involves the Twins. But yeah, there is just some wicked, biting, racy humor in here. Absolutely fantastic.
I suppose this isn't so much a review, as a reflection. Of course, I recommend it, but I think a lot of the value of reading comes from the way you think about it afterwards, how the experience of reading that particular book shapes how you see the world. I'm afraid I don't have anything too insightful to say about that, except that I enjoyed this book thoroughly, and I could resonate with some of its outcrying against suppressed masculinity. Plus, I'm pretty sure I had an audible chortle in public while reading. If that's not the sign of a good book, I don't know what is.
03 January 2010
2010... the Future
2010 seems like such a futuristic number to me. I mean, 2000 was futuristic too, but 2010 has that hard "twenty" sound in there, combined with the hard "ten." And I suppose that conjures up to me images of flying cars, talking robots, coffee in pill form, etc. Basically everything I saw in the Jetsons.
I don't really know if I have any New Year's resolutions this year. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever had any real resolutions. Maybe I think of them, but in reality, they are non-existent. That's not really a big deal for me though. Resolutions always seems so prosaic.
Reflecting on 2009; I'd have to say it was a very good year. A lot of things stick out, but I would say the best parts revolved around new and existing relationships. I don't feel a need to go in depth, but as complicated as they can be, it's good to have friends. Also, it's good to be in London for a month.
Folks always say that the best wish for the new year is for it to better than the last. I'd be okay with that. I guess that if I had one thing to keep in mind, it would be to keep evolving as a person. Professionally, I hope this gig with the U.S. Attorney works out well and gives me that practical experience I desperately need. Academically, I hope I can keep doing what I've been doing at school, without losing my brain. Personally, I hope I can find myself in some sort of an adult relationship. I realize that's not something you just "wish" for, but it's time for risk-taking. For all parties, I would think; there's not much to lose, and a lot to potentially gain. But anyways, yes, there are some pseudo-resolutions for the year. Oh yeah, and that I'll go to the gym, just because everyone adds that in.
So yes, 2010. 2010 is the Future. I don't know when the coffee in pill form is arriving, but frankly, I hope it holds off for a while. I'd much rather drink coffee out of a mug than take a pill.
I don't really know if I have any New Year's resolutions this year. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever had any real resolutions. Maybe I think of them, but in reality, they are non-existent. That's not really a big deal for me though. Resolutions always seems so prosaic.
Reflecting on 2009; I'd have to say it was a very good year. A lot of things stick out, but I would say the best parts revolved around new and existing relationships. I don't feel a need to go in depth, but as complicated as they can be, it's good to have friends. Also, it's good to be in London for a month.
Folks always say that the best wish for the new year is for it to better than the last. I'd be okay with that. I guess that if I had one thing to keep in mind, it would be to keep evolving as a person. Professionally, I hope this gig with the U.S. Attorney works out well and gives me that practical experience I desperately need. Academically, I hope I can keep doing what I've been doing at school, without losing my brain. Personally, I hope I can find myself in some sort of an adult relationship. I realize that's not something you just "wish" for, but it's time for risk-taking. For all parties, I would think; there's not much to lose, and a lot to potentially gain. But anyways, yes, there are some pseudo-resolutions for the year. Oh yeah, and that I'll go to the gym, just because everyone adds that in.
So yes, 2010. 2010 is the Future. I don't know when the coffee in pill form is arriving, but frankly, I hope it holds off for a while. I'd much rather drink coffee out of a mug than take a pill.
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