Trombone Season

Folks, I play in a trombone choir every winter. It's kind of a seasonal thing, like football season, or hunting season, or even exotic fruit season. Except trombone choir season doesn't consist of solely playing trombone. No, no, no, trombone choir season consists of a special, equally intriguing activity. Yes, that most interesting of social activities. People watching. People watching is in open season at trombone choir.

I really don't know what it is about the instrument, but there is something about the trombone that draws the curious people of society out into the open. I remember distinctly, in college, every few months there would be a big LAN party. You would see these people that you've never seen before, streaming towards Valders, towing their computers, like moths to a flame. They looked unkempt, crazed, socially inept, among other things.

Needless to say, I feel this is a good analogy to trombone choir. And I mean this in no disparaging way; obviously, if I'm in the group, there must be some socially deviant aspect to myself as well. But you look around the church where we practice, and you just think, "where the hell do these people come from?" This phenomenon can in no way be uniquely attributed to the Minneapolis Trombone Choir either; a good friend of mine at Luther famously had his own "awkward trombone player of the week" award each week.

As an example, I'll describe one of my favorite trombone players, one whom I have dubbed the "Avenger." He's probably around 50 years old, I'd imagine, and he has long, greasy blonde hair, supplemented with a big mustache. And, honest to God, he wears the same outfit every single time I've ever seen him. He wears black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather blazer. Seriously, this is all I have ever seen the guy wear, and this includes all of last year and all the rehearsals this year too. Fittingly, he also plays the bass trombone, which attaches with it an extra layer of weirdness. And he always, always brings a euphonium and a tuba. Just in case.

There are so many more strange folks that come, but I think, taking a cue from my friend, I'll save this for each week. Each week, I'll try to post a limited sketch of another trombonist. This in no way is supposed to be negative, I don't mean to demonize or to embarrass. After all, I'm one of them, right?

So yes, Avenger, this week, I salute you. Let us have many more Saturday afternoons of glorious music making, and James Bond medleys.

Really.