Gadgetry

Folks, I have to be honest, aside from the TSA screening and the vinyl waiting lounge chairs, one of my absolute favourite parts about air travel has to be the Sky Mall catalog.

You know, I spend a lot of time thinking about what it means to be persuasive, and thinking about how best to persuade certain people to think certain things. But truly, the Sky Mall catalog is a work of utter genius. I've been reading that thing cover to cover on every flight I've taken since I was a kid, and I never fail to leave the plane convinced that hidden camera spy sunglasses are absolutely necessary to my next trip. Or maybe that inflatable wedge that you put on your tray table to sleep on. Perhaps The Original Turkish Bathrobe from Hammacher Schlemmer?

I'm convinced that any item the modern cosmopolitan could ever desire is contained within the pages of Sky Mall. Honestly, just give me every damn thing in the catalog.

It's always so shocking to me, to realize that I am somehow surviving without having all these wondrous gadgets and devices, since it truly is a wonder that mankind survived so long without a joint hot dog cooker/bun toaster. Somehow, somehow though I eke by, scratching out a meager existence on the Mr. Coffeemaker I won at my high school class party (and when company is afoot, my French press and/or moka pot). I even lasted many many years grinding my coffee in the Procter-Silex grinder generously donated from my good friend's grandpa for my 22nd birthday.

However, even those who have survived without a Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville iced beverage machine can only endure so much. Which is why I used my trusty Christmas Kohl's card, and purchased this...



Readers, don't be misled. People who attempt to say that the wheel is the greatest human invention are lying to you. Rather, the above pictured Cuisanart Supreme Grind Automatic Coffee Mill is, in fact, the greatest thing ever produced. 16 customizable grind settings - can you believe that! It even turns off by itself!

There are a couple reasons for this modest claim.

1. You use this device to make coffee. Coffee is the lifeblood of America, the greatest country in the world, and the lifeblood any decent person. Coffee also helps stave off Alzheimer's. Coffee is possibly the most delicious thing ever discovered. Need I elaborate further?

2. More importantly, you use this device to make good coffee. Good coffee makes people feel better about themselves, which in turn makes them feel better about others, which in turn contributes to the Salvation Army meeting its Christmas fundraising goal. Ergo, this device helps homeless folks.

In all seriousness folks, this is a great machine, and I take much joy and satisfaction in customizing my grind to my mode of coffee preparation. If I could express my excitement in dumping a coarsely grinded mass of Starbucks Café Verona into my French press, you would be leaping with happiness right along with me (yes manboys, you may start your anticipation).

Now, if only I had a porch to enjoy this coffee on, along with friendly neighbors and a quaint city street. Unfortunately, Kohl's doesn't sell porches (or quaint city streets for that matter), so I might have to hold up a bit.

But I bet Sky Mall has both.