Oslo

Last night, I boarded a train in Bergen to travel through the night to the Norwegian capital. Let me just say, that night trains are probably fantastic, if you have a bed. It makes perfect sense, since you can both sleep and travel for the same price. However, if you simply have a regular seat, like I did, they are hellish. Especially if like me, you can't sleep in moving vehicles. In any event, I stumbled off the train this morning drooling with insomnia, weighed down by the three sacks of shit I've been lugging with me since Tuesday. I suppose I should take solace in the fact that if an emergency situation to arbitrate arose, I could immediately change into a full business suit, but right now that seems like a hollow victory. Thankfully, my hotel was close, and the receptionist took mercy on me, letting me check in 9 hours early. I promptly fell into a coma.

Maybe two hours later, I came back to life, and was on my way. If anyone wants a cheap (relatively) and centrally located hotel in Oslo, I would recommend the Thon Astoria, mainly because they have a free coffee machine.

Oslo is pretty much like every other big European city, distinguishable by the fact that it is in Norway, and not any other place. Which means a couple of things. It is expensive, it is consumed with shops selling crappy moose sweaters for far more than they're worth, everyone is multilingual, and hidden amongst the generic trappings of any big city, there are some really fantastic places.

I'm happy to say that I explored Oslo via every major channel of public transit - ferry, tram, bus, and underground. First off, I took the ferry to the Bygdøy peninsula. I got off at the wrong stop because I'm an idiot, so I had to take a local bus to get to the Vikingskipshuset (Viking Ship Museum). But I got there, and it was incredible.

The museum houses two almost perfectly preserved Viking ships built during the 9th century. That's right, two pristine wooden boats that are around 1,200 years old. I was just kind of floored by that. One of the ships was more of a royal pleasure craft, so it had the cliché serpent design at both ends of the bow, along with some incredible carvings. The other ship was an actual ocean going ship, so it was a bit larger and sturdier. In any event, it was really something. Kind of like the fjords, I can't really describe it. They have such intricate design, it's unbelievable to think they're so old. Needless to say, if I was a defenseless Anglo-Saxon and I saw one of those things sailing toward me, I would be scared shitless. Even as they are now, housed in a museum, the ships have a menacing tone about them.

The other highlights of my day included seeing all the Edvard Munch paintings at the Nasjonalmuseet-kunst, checking out a museum about the Norwegian Resistance during WWII, wandering the royal park, and finally making my way to the Vigelandsparken. The Vigelandsparken is pretty wild, it's this giant city park filled with sculptures by the Norwegian sculptor Gustav Vigeland. I'll post some photos eventually, they describe it better than I could in words. It was a little out there, but Norwegians seem to like that sort of thing.

After I got done at the Vigelandsparken, it was getting late, and I was about to die of hunger. So I did it. I went to McDonald's. I ate that damn burger and threw down that Coke faster than I think I've eaten anything in my life. I don't know if it was because I was starving, because I craved grade F beef, the fact that I wanted at least one photo for my McDonald's slideshow, or just because I was comforted by the familiarity, but there you have it. And as always, I walked out with this disgusting feeling about myself and battered pride. But at least I have the photo for my slideshow. That's all that matters.

I had planned to spend a leisurely evening in my hotel, packing, and having a beer or two. But as I quite awkwardly and quite publicly learned while attempting to check out at a grocery store, you can't buy booze past 6:00 PM on Saturday. Slightly dejected, I came back to the hotel, and have been availing myself of said free coffee machine all night. I thought about going to a café to have a beer, but I didn't really feel like dropping the requisite 60kr (approximately $9). That's okay though, coffee isn't bad.

So yes, Oslo. I would recommend a day, maybe a day and a half. This place is swarming with obese cruise ship tourists, so I've already felt a bit constricted on account of that. I'm glad I'm here, but if I was staying longer, I would get the hell out of here, and into the country first thing tomorrow morning...