Cavalier

I've been going through old photos on my computer lateley; well, only "old" in the sense that they're from two or three years past. Mostly, I've been looking at the exploits I had in the spring of 2007. This was a period unique in my life, in that I was abroad, I was young and stupid, I had a certain amount of discretionary income to supplement my youth and stupidity, and I had, for one of the first times in my life, absolutely no boundaries. There were no parents or other authority figures to second guess what I was going to do, no one to query whether my plans were right or not. I suppose that's indicative of that entire year in England, but looking through photos, it seems to stick out most in the exploits of spring holiday.

I don't know quite what it is, I don't know why these pictures look so different. I mean, obviously, I look different, at least at a cursory glance. I didn't have a beard, had different glasses, was in the happy possession of more hair, etc. But what seems most significant, is the look in my eyes. Or to large extent, the look you have to infer through the aviator glasses that were seemingly glued to my face for a month. They have the look of a person who was living completely in the moment, a cavalier attitude towards what would or would not happen. I had a girlfriend, little to no actual responsibility, little to no actual knowledge of what I was doing. I just had a desire to "be," and to discover. Maybe that's the indestructibility phase that most men go through at some point in their lives. If there was ever a time that I was indestructible, that must have been it.

And I don't mean to bring this up to be sad, or to bemoan the comparatively less cavalier life I now am leading. That isn't to say that it's not positive to get that indestructible feeling back again every once in a while. I think for me, that feeling comes through travel. I got the same feeling again this summer, though I suppose a little different since I was alone. But it's still an exhilarating experience; one that almost puts a tangible shock through your body.

In that same vein though, I think it's good to keep a little of that cavalier-ness in everyday life. Given the current circumstances of life, that would probably be a good quality to have.