Twists

Friends, it is a sad, sad day when you realize that your biggest fault in life is having too much love, too much capacity for emotion and loyalty. Actually, maybe that's unfair, maybe "fault" isn't the correct term. It's a sad day when you feel utterly heartbroken precisely because you have too much love.

It doesn't make sense, it makes absolutely zero goddamn sense. Folks should justly be punished for doing bad things, people should feel awful when they lie, or when they hurt other people. There are lots of reasons that bad things should come to those people who deserve them. But even if I lived a thousand years, I'll never figure out why bad things happen to people who manifestly don't deserve them. I will never, never understand why such a beautiful feeling as love can end up feeling so utterly terrible.

Cosmic injustice is the term I prefer; it just isn't fair for those of us who cultivate a life trying to do good things for others, who try to care as much as they can, and in some instances, even love - it just isn't fair that we should suffer because of it. I mean, if anything, we should be getting prizes for having too much love, for having too much feeling that goes to creating a more pleasant world. Indeed, we should be commended, and be celebrated in song and tale for our willingness to fully give of ourselves in the hope that someone will realize the depth of our capacity. And of course by "we," I mean "I."

I hate getting too personal in this space, I dislike it immensely. But this is applicable not exclusively to me, but for anyone who has been bewildered by this cruel twist of fate. It's just, it's not fair, and it's not right. What sort of a world do we live in, where it's easier to tear folks down, and gossip about them, than to be honest, and say good things to people? And why are such good things so difficult to see and accept? What the hell is wrong with us; why do we live this way?

Anyways, that's all for now. It's a terrible injustice, and I can only really be disappointed in the slow, twisting river of life, not any individual person. And I can only hope, one day, it will be righted, restored to its proper flow. This is the risk you take though, when you are willing to fully give of yourself. It's not exactly pleasant, but I think it's the right way to go about things. It's no way to go through life, not being willing to invest your entire self in the things you believe in. Otherwise, what the fuck is the point?